A lot has happened since I last posted. I must say that the thing that made me think and reflect the most was our discussion about culture. We looked at a hypothetical but realistic situation of an immigrant family. Just to give context, I'll tell the story first. Keeping in mind this is just one example of one fictional but realistic family.
There is a family from Mexico living with the parents, son, daughter, and grandmother. Very close to them is the brother and his wife and little girl. Both little girls are the same age, so they spend a lot of time together and have become good friends. The son is a young teenager and loves to be independent. They all care deeply for the others in their family. The father works a lot and the mother spends most of her time caring for the home. The parents decide that they would be better off in the United States of America, with more safety, better pay, and more opportunities for their son and daughter. But they only have enough for the father to cross the border. So he makes the dangerous journey. His family couldn't know for sure whether he would make it safely or be forced into a perilous situation where he could get killed. But he gets to America safely and starts working. They thought the mother and children could make it in a matter of months, but they still don't have enough money. In America, the father doesn't know the language well and lives in cramped living conditions. In Mexico, the mother has taken on the role of father as well. She works long hours and takes care of the home. The children don't get to spend as much time with her, but at least they have their cousin, aunt and uncle, and grandmother. The son takes on more responsibility to help provide for his family in Mexico. Months go by and they have all begun to adjust somewhat to their new family situation. After a couple of years, the family finally has enough for the mother and children to make the journey across the border to the United States of America. They're excited to be reunited with their father, but they are sad to leave their family in Mexico. When they finally get to America, they face a huge set of challenges. The have to learn a new language, learn a new culture, adjust to a new family situation. There is the stress of providing for their family, taking on various roles in the family, and especially the stress of potential deportation.
Now let's look at the effect on the family. The love and trust they once had is no longer the same. It is hopefully still there to some degree but it has been changed or destroyed. They began as a whole family in Mexico, took on different roles and responsibilities while they were separated, and came back together in America. As more of them took on jobs and other such responsibilities, they had less time together as a family. Children experienced more feelings of loneliness and isolation. They had no one to relate to completely. They had a cousin and grandmother in Mexico, but they couldn't speak the language in America and therefore had a hard time making friends with others. They could only relate to others in their same situation. Once in America, there are greater conflicts in the family. They went through a lot of stress and worry getting to America safely, but now they have the stress and worry of staying in America safely. The only way the parents can get important things done is to have a translator, which puts a lot of stress on their children. The children learn the English language faster because they have better capacity at that point in their lives and they have more time and motivation to learn the language. This gap in understanding is hard to adjust to.
Then there are real and perceived threats. Both make the parents act more authoritarian, which the children don't feel as happy and comfortable in. This conflict is made more evident with the stress and difficulty in adapting to a new culture and language. The family connections that were once deeply engrained in who they were are now buried beneath change, stress, worry, and other challenges. They become lost in their new world.
Too often, we do not understand what these families have gone through in getting to America. Too often we do not understand fully the dynamics that have changed as a family immigrates to a new country. We may still not fully understand but we can be educated and informed. We can seek to know everything we can and then empathize with these families. There is not one design and pattern followed by every family across the board. Let us be more tolerant and loving toward these families who have gone through test and trial not once but multiple times. Let us be more compassionate and empathetic. We can all benefit from that. We can all learn and become better people as we learn to love, serve, and avoid passing judgments.
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