Kommunikationsmedel

Kommunikationsmedel is the Swedish word for "methods of communication".

We all know that communication is key to maintaining a good, healthy relationship.  What we don't always understand is how to deal with challenges that arise in communication.  One of the most important things necessary to developing or maintaining healthy communication is to understand what it is made of.

1. 14% words, or verbal communication
2. 35% tone used when verbally communicating
3. 51% nonverbal communication (ie. body language)

That seem a bit of a surprise, but what are we really interpreting when we listen to someone?  Oftentimes, we rely most on their body language and other cues to understand the meaning behind the words they are saying.  Then there is the process of exchanging words to express a thought or feeling.

You can never not communicate.  There will always be some form of communication occurring.

It is important to create a good, healthy family culture with clear, healthy boundaries and clear feedback loops.  The above illustration shows what happens in communication and may be able to help diagnose where a communication problem is occurring.  If you decode something as a negative, then check for understanding.  Clarify what was shared.  Frequent clarification is crucial to maintaining good communication.

In all things, act in love.  Strive to be selfless and not selfish.  When selfishness and greed enter the picture, there is little to no room for understanding or effective communication.

There are many ways to communicate.  For your sake and for the sake of your family, friends and loved ones, learn how to say what you really mean and communicate how you really feel.

Coping with Family Crises

English: crisis

Chinese: Traditional 危機

               Simplified危机

In Chinese, the word for crisis is made up of characters that mean "danger" and "opportunity".  That's what a crisis can be: an opportunity to learn and grow.

A family crisis can begin anywhere, and is generally cause by a series of stresses, or stressor events.

Possible stressor events:

• accident, natural disaster
• moving
• surgery
• serious illness (ie. cancer)
• death
• internal strife
• major financial purchase
• attempted suicide
• gambling
• job change
• loss of faith (for those who are religious)
• divorce
• abuse and assault, violence
• alcohol, drug, or another addiction
• unemployment
• pregnancy, miscarriage, other related complications

All these stressors can build up and cause a crisis to erupt in the family.  In 1958, Ruben Hill developed a model to describe stress and crises.  He called it the ABCX model.

A: actual event (stressor) and resulting hardships

B: both resources and responses to the stressor and hardships, management of stress through coping

C: cognitions, perspective, the family's definition of the even

X: the complete experience, affected by A, B and C

What can wise and effective families do?

• have dinner together (routine provides stability and comfort)
• accept each person how they are
• talk about what is going one (explain things, self-disclosure is healthy and brings healing)
• involve and discuss things together
• affirm your own worth and your family's worth

There are other things a family can do.  You can brainstorm and discuss with your own family what would be helpful for them!

Crisis events are difficult to go through.  Coping is often described as dealing with a stressor event or a tragedy.  It is not just escaping or avoiding the pain and hurt.  Coping with something means you find a way to accept it and begin healing from the pain.  It can also be defined as making small adjustments so that things fit together well under pressure.

Coping with family crises:

• takes effort but is well worth it
• know self and understand self-worth
• accommodate each other
• thoughtful and purposeful
• ahead of time
• something to help you out of danger
• stronghold, foundation
• dependable

There is a lot that is stressful in life, especially in a family, but a crisis presents a certain opportunity to learn how to cope with the stressor event.  It is an opportunity, when responded to in a healthy manner, to grow together as a family, potentially creating closer family relationships.

Look at a crisis not just as a danger, but also as a wonderful opportunity.  Good things will come.  All will be well.

Celestial Marriage

Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.
(reading: "Family: A Proclamation to the World" from the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)

There is a quote I once read, I don't remember from who, that says "We are not mortal beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a mortal experience."

Not many remember this truth today.  Not many people realize the importance of marriage and family.  We are heavenly beings come to Earth to have a mortal experience.  Relationships are meant to last longer than this life.  They are meant to be eternal.

Satan wants to win, but we don't need to let fear and doubt overpower us.

Even before marriage, we should all be aware of the attachments we are forming with others in our life.  We should be aware of who we become attached to, how and why.  There is a RAM model of attachment with 5 steps:

This model tells us that we need to know someone very well before we can completely trust them, rely on them or commit to them.  These levels of each category allow for a healthy attachment between two people.  It is important to know someone and understand them.  To know someone requires togetherness, talking and time.  Once you share experiences and things close to your heart, you begin to form an emotional attachment.  Just don't forget to keep physical touch in bounds.  Don't forget.  It needs to be kept in bounds, especially before marriage.  But the level of physical touch does increase after marriage, which is good for the marriage relationship.

A note on cohabitation: it does not actually have any proven benefits to the quality of a relationship or marriage.

Strong marriages:
- helping each other
- struggling together, not separately and alone
- coping together, not alone
- supporting each other
- overcoming trials and hard times together

Exercise faith and have courage!  When two people have their sight set on the same things and share the same visions, dreams and goals in life, then they will be able to work through problems.
Another quote I like: "A team of two will always win when one of them is God."
Before any readers get offended, remember this: I know this is true!  I have seen this time and again in my life!  My parents have been a living testimony to the principles of faith and courage and love.
Never give up!

The joy and fulfillment in a strong marriage is worth the wait.  It is worth the sacrifices that need to be made now to have that strength in the future.  It is worth every effort to obtain and maintain a celestial marriage.